You're A Snark Darkness
2017-2020
see the illustrations here or pick up a copy with the artwork on my etsy shop in black and white or in color. This includes my previous two poetry collections as well.
2017-2020
see the illustrations here or pick up a copy with the artwork on my etsy shop in black and white or in color. This includes my previous two poetry collections as well.
Table of Contents
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Icarus
The sun is my love and I fly with joy toward the light, hoping my wings can withstand the heat of your heart. But even if I fall again to the featherless ocean, flying is my right, and I'll find a way to be with you sun. Yes this time, surely, I will stay with the light. Winter Gave Me Winter gave me a lot of shit to grow flowers with in spring. Affirming Steps Step 1) Give a shit. Step 2) Give fewer shits. Step 3) Reassess. Step 4) Give no fucks. Step 5) Give many fucks. Step 6) Reassess. Step 7) Reaffirm giving no fucks. Fallen The more gods you meet, the more you see fall from grace, forget their magic and flail in being merely human. It's a sad sight. Reality You peer through culture, emotions, memories. You peer through television screens, window panes, sun shades. You peer through your eyes. If you always look through something, at what point do you see reality clearly? Mind Miner Please, I'm sorry, I am a miner in the deep caverns of the mind. There is only so far I can take you before the darkness becomes dangerous and you must stay behind in the light with the beacons of being alive. You see, the jewels I keep beyond here are only for those once graced with death's dear desire to die in the dark. They are beautiful, but don't come any further, turn back to your joys in the jewels of light. Out Of The Way Everyone was getting out of the way for you to arrive, bowing their heads to their queen, giving space for you and I. Sure I Would Love To Sure I would love to feel you up, and cuddle you, kiss you, fuck you, but I sure don't think we'd like each other afterward. I Am Repairing A Robot I am repairing a robot the wasps and moss took over: "shooo, shoo, shoo!" You are shiny and mine. In The Guillotines Of Time I am vividly aware of my death, my soul, my connection to the cosmos as stardust now on Earth. Any moment it may happen, this body may shatter, the blood spill, the wrinkles corrode, the organs fail, and I will become what I am already. Time Traveler Love Being in love with a time traveler is difficult, chasing her shadow through the ticktock of the clock like a bat flying fast in a sky dimly lit with stars. Holding onto that twirl of red thread, we're still somehow connected, and I whisper every great while when the ends whirl together in the wind, "I love you, I love you, I love you." I Want Beauty I want beauty but I live in an ugly country in an ugly city in an ugly house in an ugly room in an ugly body in an ugly mind that refuses to see the beauty all around. When Things Are Going Bad It's relieving to hear that you are suffering too. Sometime In April I stopped trying as hard. Temporarily I discovered that there is hope where you least expect it, temporarily until just as you think the golden chalice is yours, it turns out being aloof and too preoccupied with saving the fairy kingdom. And respite returns to hopelessness temporarily, until remembering a sense of security in that the government still knows everything about you. This gives you great relief. You Are A Great And Powerful Wizard Poof puff pablamy! You are a wonderful, fantastical, whimsical, magical, and powerful wizard of wise ways I see it, I know it, I deem it true! here are some tasty and tantalizing spells that you can take on your tall travels, so please potently do. Zip zang zippidy-zo! I'd first like to tell you about a thought that you can sow thinking I love me, you, the world too. I love me, you, the world too, I love me, you, the world too. I see it, I know it, I deem it true! Blurgle-lurgle, hurgle-murgle! Movements make masters of magicians, dancing daintily then dangerously, smile stupendously to share serenity. I see it, I know it, I deem it true! Fru fo fibbity fab! Feelings free folk from fallen futures, loving, crying, sighing, shouting, emoting energies to open honesty. I see it, I know it, I deem it true! Sakka takka la wakka! Words weave wondrous webs with weathered wisdom. Read aloud remembered memories cast in ink labeled stories, adventures, fantasies, mysteries containing the etymology and histories of the poof puff pablamy! You are a wonderful, fantastical, whimsical, magical, and powerful wizard of wise ways. I see it, I know it, I deem it true! Some Slivers Some slivers you must dig out with a knife. The Joy Of Being Alive The lions wanted me to meet you, coordinated through a three step funky waltz on time before mercilessly ripping out every atom of ego. You didn't make a sound, but I could hear your scream louder than a murder of a million crows cawing: Why would you live for anything but the joy of being alive? You have a point. Held Close Being held close helps sometimes. Being held horizontally, undressed, while making out for a really long time helps more. I Felt Fleeting I felt fleeting in search of that word, tasted like a memory, smelled of the moon, looked like mother. Only You And I Only you and I will remember the sex drugs and sadness down by a year of time. The dog is going to die. I Like Being Here I like being here above the roaring river; you cannot hear the robots and their rip roaring revving beep boops. All that's left is that memory of you and an awkward bottle of honey whiskey watching sunset shimmers; you always have to wonder what those rocks feel like. The robots whisper, the bottle dry, the sunset faded, demigods die too. It's Friday Night It's Friday night and I can't overcome the fear of going back in time. So I stay right here, drinking my wine. Now I Am A Wolf We ran together like a pack of blood soaked wolves. Yeah, once upon a time we drank gold from ruby goblets, bathed in the celestial glow of starlight, spoke poetry to black holes. Yeah, we were bad asses, the coolest shit in the universe, and now we aren't. That thing that sometimes happens, it happened. And now I am a wolf. Her Twin's Eyes Her twin's eyes have faded, stolen by the promises of a robot machine looking for safe truths; burned images of somewhere to nowhere behind the retina. An eerie exchange, I wonder what she's looking at when she looks at me? Perhaps dragonflies in summer, the meaning of the letter Z, molecules of water, knowing with certainty that the dog is going to die; she never even saw me. Heart Thump Heart thump the thump split split wood on rocks giant rocks at the ocean the ocean is moving with the moon moon magic I wanted to say a magic word but that word is lackluster it grows lackluster lavender all I want is to smell lavender fields in Summer the Summer is still Winter Winter provides ample opportunities opportunities are squahsable squashable like heart thumps. I Remember I remember the hot crush of red red red lipstick on a burning flag a teacup at a time too late, and all I can wonder now is if you're dead. It's A Good Thing It's a good thing that time exists for all you on the tick-tock of clocks, because otherwise, you might see god, every sorrow and joy that you miss, and think of me as quite disgusting. I Traveled I traveled a long distance to get away from you: Over the hills and through the meadows, into flame and under the earth, to new continents and wild dreams. But you're still here, aren't you? On Being A Writer On being a writer: If you can't sleep, you write. If you're angry, you write. If you're in love, you write. If you are on fire, you put out the fire, and you write. If the world is about to end, you write. If you are dead, you write. If time and space cease to exist, you write. Two Indifferent People Meet Two indifferent people meet. Everything becomes very difficult. Just Take A Deep Breath As you starve to death, are burned alive, the guillotine lops off your head, you are incinerated by a nuclear blast: just take a deep breath, you'll feel better. Bright Bright! Bright like the cloudy falling sunset red orange purple pink and darkening blue blue blue. Brighter still on the peacock's tail. Bright bright bright moon light! Bright like a bonfire burning ablaze in a smoldering glow. Bright like fireworks boom booming. Brighter and brighter and brighter like grass green meadows of birds chirping. Bright! Bright and yet brighter still! Bright like the crescendo of songs sung by an ocean choir. Bright like a hundred candles whispering flickering. Bright like hope. You are bright. “Divine Intervention” Today a duck visited me, flying in alone from the south. He stared directly at me before taking a step forward and making one of those sounds that ducks make. I had to wonder if he was in fact the Buddha attempting to bless me with divine wisdom. Or maybe he was some spiritual apparition. But you see, I have a fear of wild and even domesticated animals approaching me unannounced, especially when they do not speak my language. I stood up, he paused. I gathered my things And he walked a full circle around the tree I had been laying against. The duck looked at me one last time before flying back south. I have my regrets, but maybe you just wanted food. I definitely wasn't going to give you any food unless you told me secrets about the universe. Overall if you were some spiritual manifestation, you didn't do a great job at it. So, until next time, “divine intervention” get your shit together. We Kept The Lie Alive We kept the lie alive by feeding it macaroons, grapes, chocolate cake with strawberries on top, and very fine wines. We taught the lie to sit, shake, and roll over. The lie learned how to trust us. And at the end of every night we would say, good little lie, yes you are. Foreshadowing I know that you're not going to listen to me but at least my unsolicited advice can act as foreshadowing for your shitty life ahead. Where Is The Queen? I'm wandering aimlessly through the night, mingling with a glow of stars as I wonder where the queen is. Maybe she decided to dance in some other universe tonight, Maybe there is no queen, only a fixated fascination, or maybe, just maybe, I am the queen. Exchange We exchanged a pleasant round of banter before you tried cutting off my head and oh how I ran, savoring the sweet words that meant, perhaps, finally, I had met a friend. Shit List I'm looking for people to go on my shit list. It can fit an infinite number of you lousy fuckers, so don't be shy, sign up today. You get free glares for life and terrible gossip. What's not to love? Writing Poetry Writing poetry is like making a wound clot with blood, and whenever I see you, I need to write a poem. Your Name You drank three glasses at the watering hole like a curious crow and perhaps we met once upon a time and perhaps your colors mingle with mine and perhaps you know god and that fire, but, your name your name your name I cannot remember. Black Sock Every day I sit by a tree, by the tree is always a sad black sock. The sock and I listen to trains choo-chooing and cars vroom vrooming. I think we are very much alike. The sock tells me things about the universe and I write them down. I tell the sock about my troubles, and the sock doesn't care. I'm not friends with the sock, I actually find the sock to be quite disgusting and gross. It shouldn't be there at all, but I'm too apathetic to do anything about it. You Know You know, the button dropped gold grounded by time-lapsed historians paving over ghosts of the forest. Do you hear the whispers of this town? The cats tell tales nestled among a rich spring bloom, The dog, the grandmother, who is next? Death is rich and cursed with purple. There's been a murder of the mind, Just look at the children grasping for roots in lucid dreams. Don't you see you need seeds? Figs And Wasps As my home burned to the ground, she handed me a giant bag of green figs, and I wondered if I could be in love like figs and wasps are. Doppelganger You meet people who are reiterations of your past, the ghosts, and you already know how it will play out but maybe there is hope in this hilarious situation. Things are a little different this time: you're wearing a new shirt, practice meditation, and know how to cook spaghetti al dente. A doppelganger who knows nothing about that past, that person, their other. This is a fresh start, but I have a feeling it's bound to catch on fire again. Tea And Machines I finished my tea and began walking from the heart, through throngs of jubilant machines eating drinking fucking carrying out their preordained cacophony. I walked further, thinner were the machines like wolves guarding passageway to the grand party. And then came the silence of stray lights. Resting were these forgotten machines, safe and ready for the morning sun. Visit Me Godzilla Today I saw an ex-lover, like a beautiful portrait of a monster sipping coffee, and an old acquaintance I couldn't remember the name of said a blurry hello, and two people I once considered friends stood by idly exploring the expanses of possibility, and sometimes I just wish that Godzilla would come and visit me. Go For It, Dude I was hesitant to kiss her until I met with the Grim Reaper and the sickle of death said, go for it, dude, I'm coming for you soon. She Asked She asked me who I was But what could I say to that? Six years ago, we became so strangely connected. Do you remember who you were six years ago? You're living the dream and I'm in a box we told each other. Maybe it's because the cats have been visiting me again: there on the pathway scurrying skittish into the bramble, looking distantly forlorn in a window, and through the front door begging for something more. Yesterday they tore the beating heart out of a bird's chest and ate his head. Perhaps that is how it feels. There is death creeping closer. “Sister, grandmother, friend,” it says, “I will carry you far beyond the rivers again where the only love is from those small moments you could have had.” Time is slipping and asking how to weave a starry night sky with ocean waves. You left, and the cat is meowing. I Must Last night the rain poured down in soothing gusts, a pittering pattering attempting to form this new season's trust and producing a very fine musk. But it is for the gods and demons that I lust, so I must I must I must find you in this quickly fading dust. Entropy Oh behold the dazzling colors and smells of flowers, the marble sidewalks and bronze streetlamps, the elegant silverware and fancy dishes, the painted strokes of a masterpiece, the love at first sight, those muscles, the curves! Yeah, um, hi, my name is entropy and I'm coming for you all. Five Seconds To Tea Time is not on my side with death swinging that scythe to the rhythm of random seconds. I walk in and hope is there, looking me in the face. I like to think that she has a secret crush on the person I could be. The room is uncomfortably crowded and in the corner is one of those other people. She looks a little older and I wonder how soon she'll die, but she's not dead right now so I leave, without any love, or tea. I had been attempting to change my life for the better, but the spaces I emptied became filled with shadows of the past and pulled me under. Outside I'm standing in a junkyard, waist deep in the refuse and rubble of kingdom come. The heap is bountiful, and sometimes beautiful, but any gems are buried deep. I see a god walking by but she is sick and can't last much longer. It's fly or fall, so who would want to rule over garbage? The seconds run past, but maybe next time there will be tea, hope, love. I Wish I Could Go Back She sat there in the sunlight looking like the ghost of love, ethereal and lost in memories, with hands griping a steaming mug and releasing a heavy sigh, She said, so slowly, with the delicacy of a field of flowers, and the sadness of the moon, “I wish I could go back.” Leak There is a hole in my head, and each time I lay down a part of my past leaks out staining my sheets the colors of anger, anxiety, and that goddamned ghost. Perhaps I drink wine in hopes of finding a cork that fits. Flowers Or The Worst Day When you find yourself at the very bottom of everything and look patiently, carefully, willingly, in the dark you will see a small god smiling. Yes she will lift you up and carry what remains right to the Emperor himself and face to face with such power you can take flowers or the worst day of your life. It's your choice at the bottom of everything. Restless Night With You I've enjoyed sleeping with birds and tigers, bears and snakes, but laying down with you is a restless night as we bite and gnaw on what we hope is true. Darkness I fled the campfire of strangely happy people to go be alone with the ocean waves. I met a shadow there who showed me fireflies in the sand, then stood watching the darkness. And in that moment she came for me, falling from the sky, the shooting star landing in my mind. Small I hid in the bushes, black as night with distant worlds beaming into my mind. Do not see, speak, smell, think, feel, taste, hear. Each has become an anger crushing hearts. Small small small. I will be safe and survive. Rest I go to bed dull, cracking, fading into darkness, I wake up shiny shiny new. The Colors Of Life The emperor gave me these flowers, so I must live, I must fly, ready to show you the colors of life. Who Do You Think Won? A duck visited me, A tree branch fell on my head, bugs crawled all over, Let me just dig a hole in this ground and lay there quietly and sad for five million years. On a sign it will read: here the man spoke to God, ready with a knife to strike. Who do you think won? Fail Hard To Regain I wonder if you played that album over and over again to give me a soundtrack to mourn you by. Six years later I'm driving down the highway noticing all of our favorite corporations singing loudly about themselves. Why, there was Micky D's, Ford Motors, Direct TV, Safeway, and who could get forget WAL-MART? It was a never-ending parade of monumental making. And I wondered if those trees you saved were still glad to be alive or screaming. Time is fleeting, and haunted by these hopeful decisions that turn sour. You are a lemon of my life. But I think, I still love you Even as I fail hard to regain Introduction I am not sure if I have properly introduced myself, I am something that only the trees know about. Life For Possibility We used up the earth like teenage lovers use up each other, finding beauty for a moment before the fallout. Yes if we were kind we might have lived longer, but we would never have known this possibility we sometimes cherish with wonder. 35% The doctors were performing surgery on the street again, cutting great swaths of concrete out to expose strange pipes and wires I didn't understand the meaning of. The city was sick again. On my way I saw a friend, someone who could be a friend one day, and another person who didn't really have the time. It was a procession of familiar faces walking to unknown destinations, but I traveled upstream, finding myself in a room full of frankincense and with a woman whose tattoo read “35%”. I wonder if the doctors had anything to do with her, but I couldn't understand what 35% was about. So I said not to be surprised if I was gone in the morning, and she responded, “that's what cats normally do.” I stole away into the night, leaving behind 35% of everything. Good thing broken hearts don't die. I want nothing to do with those doctors, but I hope they fix this city soon. Everywhere A Fucking Fuck One fuck, two fuck, three fuck, four! Here a fuck, there a fuck, everywhere a fucking fuck. There were fucks coming through the windows, down the chimney. Fucks on the news, fucks in the mailbox Fuck they were coming out my ears, mouth, and nose! It was a fucking fuckery if I'd ever seen one. The fucks had won, loud and boisterous. I couldn't think, I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't take it any longer. Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you! I said, to the fucks on my toast, to the fucks in my friends, to the fucks atop my house. I listened close to those fucks and devised a plan to defuckify my life. I started by sweeping out the fucking dust bunnies hiding in my room, moved to the kitchen and chopped up a salad to cleanse the fucks in my gut, called up my friend and apologized for my fucking words, applied to a new job while telling my boss to fuck off, ran out a few fucks in my first marathon, and finished the final fucking blow with a rigorous course in mindfuck meditation mastery. Where a fuck? Not here, you fucks. You Are Are the leaves soil? The leaves are soil, and the soil is the tree, and the tree is you. You are soil, leaves, the tree. Glaring Compliment I hate your beauty, so the deeper I glare at you, the more beautiful you'll know you are. It's a compliment. One Memory Of Love One memory of love meeting the present, beautifully. Everyone faded away and there was just the forest and coyote, the soothing calm and monster, the knowledge that your embrace was a momentary joy and the roots, the fangs, They want me back badly. Light And Dark You are a light with a darkness and I am a darkness with a light. Our love is mildly deadly and equally exciting. Man Bird I could have sworn I heard a man up this tree, hoping maybe he was like me, jealous of those birds flying so free. Her Whispered Words Her whispered words glowing with the warmth of fire lit a match under the frozen ways, set me ablaze and I promised to diligently grow the flame one person every day. Thank You I had a dream and you were there. Thank you for being here. |