Been making myself feel real awful thinking about what I do not have, what I have lost, and what I want. These thoughts bring me no closer to what I desire, so I must take action. Money, love, friendship, fame, what are you doing to get it? As is quoted from the Buddha, "Craving and desire are the cause of all unhappiness."

Out of a survival instinct, our brains often lie to us and make false assumptions. I have to remind myself, even if I'm feeling anxious, even if I believe it will be terrible, even if I cannot - where there is a will there is a way. Failure is the first step to success, so I try against all odds and learn and grow with every step. I can I can I can (even if I cannot initially, or my mind says no no no no no). Try. You'll surprise yourself.

These things should be general rather than specific - mortal creatures are too impermanent to rely on with their emotions and tendency toward death. I say that with some snarkiness, but still, it's true. My list contains: good lighting (especially sunrise and sunset), being immersed in art, cuddling people I like, having long conversations (in particular with new people), and sitting in nature (preferably around ancient trees).

Cat knows what's up. You are always capable of changing your situation for the better. Quit a job. Move. Think a little differently. Overthrow your shitty overlords. It doesn't matter how old you are or where you're at in life, today is a great day to embark on a new path.

I ended last night feeling sorta depressed about life, and I knew exactly the reason why - but that one reason became a series of negative thoughts digging me deeper into a place I certainly do not want to be. Today's goal is to not think about it too much and work on righting the problem. Thinking about it more would only bury me in a negative mind state, so staying out of those thoughts and taking action is the better way forward. Step one step two step three here we go.

Community is the cornerstone of good mental health - it is a safety net that will catch you if you are willing to take the effort to create connections in your social sphere. Of course, it's not always an easy task. It requires a devotion to particular communities and friends and showing up for them in a meaningful way. 2019 has been a bit up and down for me, and in those dark places I really don't know how to forge on until my community comes through - I contact people to spend time with, or better yet people randomly reach out to me, or someone puts on an exciting event and thinks to invite me. I've been so grateful for the many times thinking, "oh well I guess I'll just stay in for another night" and then a connection I've fostered comes through. There have been times that I've lost communities, or have been in situations where there was no one I could trust, so having this level of support now feels quite amazing - it did take a lot of work though, and I know will continue to require regular intention to build lasting bonds.

This morning I woke up feeling a bit depressed, even though yesterday was a pretty great day - so I asked myself as I do, what have I been lacking? And well there are a few things, but most notably I haven't been out to nature in several days because of being busy and the rain. While living in the city it is easy for me to forget how important spending regular time with plants is. It's like being hugged by someone you love very much. Any nature will do, but I find the best is when there are no signs of humans - no trash, roads, electronics, car sounds, or other people. Just you. Especially powerful is nature that has been untouched by humans for at least a century, if not many hundreds of years. There is something special about being surrounded by very old friends.